All it can ever be
by Hellen Lou
Summary: Miss Parker is tired and wonders if this is all it can ever be.


All it can ever be

Miss Parker receives a late night phone call from Jarod… five years after the last time they saw each other.

She finds she's too tired to carry on and wonders if this is all they can ever have.

* * *

It was sticky night, the heat clung to their bodies but it didn't matter. The sheets were silk and cooled their hot skins.

Lips and bodies moved in the darkness but it didn't matter, years of studying each other proved they didn't need to open their eyes through the pleasure that had captured them both.

Whispers of names, moans and hidden desires filled the small room… but to them it didn't matter. There were no walls; there was no bed just open space in which only they existed. Joined but forever separated for when the last moans of pleasure faded into the heavy night, they both knew that morning would come and one would be missing.

Their routine would continue but their hearts remained in that room… with their love.

"It could be different" the lone voice broke the silence forcing her to look to him, he looked peaceful but so haunted that she held the tears back.

She wished more then anything that she could believe those words… some how they were magical weaving something neither of them understood but that was there remained hanging above them with a question mark.

It could be different… everything could be different but nothing would change, they would never change. Too many years, too much blood… too many lies spoken and too many promises broken.

When she dare say nothing he moved in the darkness and held her closer, he understood the truth he always did. There were no lies between them just the hard and cold truth.

This life could never be… even if they escaped the lives they had been born into, had been held prisoner for so long they couldn't change each other the way the other wanted to.

"But it never will be" he declared in a whisper… an agreement with the night… with history.

So the darkness and simple joy of holding each other stole over them, nothing more said… no more needed to be said. When she woke he was gone and she was cold but she didn't cry, she didn't lash out because she knew the truth… this was the truth; cold and hard.

* * *

Five years later

Memories haunted Miss Parker… the ones that always clamed her during those nights, dark and still. Joyful memories where for the daylight, but the nights. They were for the ghosts alone and somehow that always felt right for her.

But this night… it wasn't the centre or their lies or her fathers lies that haunted her… it was that night when everything could have changed. For her and for him, what could have been was dancing before her and yet she didn't cry she didn't lash out. There was no point because even she didn't have him the way she had dreamt of, she had him… in her life.

As on cue the black cordless phone shrilled and she smiled bitterly, hitting the talk button she lifted it to her ear and waited. For the words she would never hear… the promises made to the night. No, she waited for him and their game because that was all she could ever have. Because this is all it can ever be.

"evening Miss Parker… isn't a beautiful night" Jarod found wonder in a world he didn't know and Miss Parker envied that of him, she knew this world and she couldn't find the beauty he did.

"Jarod" she breathed before leaning back in the window seat, she checked just to make sure the world hadn't changed on her into a wonderful place but found only darkness and coldness.

"What do you want now" Parker asked as she rubbed her eyes tired… she knew she was tired, her body ached and her mind desired the peace promised to her for so long.

"Why I'm beginning to think you don't enjoy these little chats anymore… I thought you would like to know how your famous project was doing" Jarod said lightly as though whispering breathless nothings into her ear.

Parker sighed deeply and mournfully… she had survived on these calls for so long but it wasn't enough anymore, and Parker knew that Jarod understood that.

"Why do we do this Jarod… you asked me once if we could be different" Parker declared, she was met with silence for a few moments before Jarod too sighed.

"It's all we know… we can't change that anymore then we can change those around us… including our selves. The centre ruined both our lives… it made us who we are and we can never change that… we both know that" Jarod spoke the truth… cold and hard.

"So this is it… this is all it can ever be" it was a questioned mingled with a statement, she wanted to be proved wrong… it was her new waiting game. But Jarod would never break their routine…if he could he would be free from the centre for good but he treasured it.

"I guess so… we can't change… me and you, we're more alike then you really think we're both pretenders" Jarod words were the truth but Parker didn't feel the cold. Because she was alike to him and anything that brought her closer to him made her feel warm.

A shuffling from behind Parker made her stiffen, she sighed once more before watching the night.

"Jarod this is all it can ever be… but I'm tired, goodnight" Parker didn't now if she was saying goodnight or goodbye but she hoped that Jarod would never say goodbye.

"Goodnight Miss Parker… sweet dreams" a click proved that Jarod was gone… for her life Miss Parker wasn't sure but she would find out soon. Turning Parker grinned to see a four year old dark chocolate brown hair girl rubbing her eyes, her pink night clothes wrinkled while a small white rabbit hang from her hands.

"Mommy" the girl questioned in a dreamy tone, Parker grinned as she put down the phone and walked over to the child scooping her up in her arms. Placing a kiss to her daughters head she breathed in the innocent.

"did I wake you baby" Parker asked as the young girl shook her head burying it into her mothers chest as sleep stole back over her.

Parker walked back to the girl's room and laid her down on the bed, the girl buried her self under the clothes and looked pleading to her mother who lay besides her holding her tightly to her.

Stroking the soft brown hair back the girl fell asleep in her mother's protective arms, a warm and safe harbour away from the horrible world.

Parker smiled at her sleeping child and understood her words…all it can ever be. But holding her child she knew what she and Jarod had was all they could hope for. This child proved that something could be.

The child was proof that Miss Parker and Jarod could be changed… not by each other but by this child, she had the power to change everything between them. Parker held tighter to her truth… her child, the power that could make all it can ever be into a distant memory.

* * *

Jarod stepped away from the dark house with a smile… his daughter was beautiful, just like her mother.

Jarod threw one last look into his daughter's bedroom and watched the family he had made sleep.

He had faith, he always did… in miss parker because Jarod figured out years ago that things had changed… things were different. Miss Parker needed only to understand that and accepted before they could move forward… to world where they didn't need to pretend any more.

To a world where both were free… but they were still chained and Miss Parker and her daughter held the keys.

* * *

my first Pretender fic... hope you enjoy and please review 


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